JOEL BRYANT
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Sporadic Blog

Joel's head is a bit big, shape-wise. This is where he puts stuff down that fell out of it...
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(COMING SOON: More “The JOEL Wide World” where he puts into writing his travel experiences - from 5-star hotels on the Italian Coast to desert camping under the Joshua Tree stars, from dog-sledding in Montana, snorkeling in the Philippines or dancing til dawn at Burning Man, there isn’t an adventure he’d say “no” to!)

Donald Trump is the Presidential Candidate We Deserve

6/20/2016

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For the longest time, I was shocked. Donald Trump currently has a 50% chance of becoming the next leader of the United States of America? Seriously?!?
He's self-centered, full of faux outrage, willfully ignorant and wears arrogance proudly. Certainly he's not.....

Well, wait a second...The more I think about it: Doesn't that seem to describe where we're at as a nation?

I never want to paint over any mass citizenry with such a broad brush stroke but chances are we all fit under at least one of the top four descriptors. If not all four. You absolutely know somebody that fits all four. Just check your Facebook feed.  More importantly, check your latest Facebook rant and I'm sure you were railing against a person or group that fits under one of the four. They're out there. They're probably us. And we've created a monster....

Before I delve too deep, let me say this: I'm not a Trump supporter. Nor am I particularly fond of where the Democratic Party sits right now (re: This is written post-California primaries....You know the one, where everybody was incensed that the AP had given the nomination to Hillary Clinton, decrying that "California hasn't even voted yet!" And then California voted...and Hillary won handily). I'm not anti-Hillary either. If anything, I'm very middle, or middling, in that I'm fairly anti-political process at this point (yes...I voted).

If anything, I would say I'm anti-Trump, in that him in any leadership position in the free world makes it less "free." He's the best that the GOP could find to represent itself? Yes. Yes he is.  Frankly, most of the GOP is scary right now, their leaders are the epitome of contempt, derision and delusion, and they have effectively shot themselves in the foot over the past 20 years of essentially breaking down a democracy from the inside out. Cry foul enough, and foul is what you get.

However, the more I think about it, Trump is a great candidate for everybody across the spectrum. And I don't mean "great" as in "superb" or "Make America Great Again," I mean "great" as in a fine representative of the populace of the United States. He's almost too perfect.

He's the embodiment of self-centered, angry, ignorant and arrogant. As are his supporters. As is, sadly, most everyone...

He's self-centered.

Aren't we all? I mean, isn't that the very basis for social media? There was a time when we would cringe at a neighbor coming home from vacation because we'd have to sit through interminable slide shows of their trip. Now, that's all my Instagram feed is. We order meals, then let those meals get cold because we're too busy choosing the right filter to make our farm-to-table kale quinoa summer squash salad really pop in thumbnail pictures. Our celebrities - those bastions of success and dreams - are now 19-year-old kids who begin most of their vlog posts with "Let me tell you about my day and what I think of the world" to millions of viewers and millions of dollars.

There was a time when a sex tape would be a point of shame. Now it's the stepping-stone to a multi-billion dollar family franchise. Sex tapes are now passé.

Instead of social warriors or screen legends, we make celebrities and idols out of Honey Boo-Boo, the Duck Dynasty folks and innumerable flailing, screaming housewives. The networks pay them pennies on the dollar and, if and when they become too big for their britches and demand a bigger piece of the pie, the networks cast them aside to save a buck and launch the next series starring truckers or lumberjacks or fishermen or pranksters. Humans, and our humanity, it seems, are easily replaceable.

I don't blame reality shows or YouTube. Far from it. I blame those that watch them as a source of entertainment. Who's the bigger fool - the fool, or the ones that follow the fool? But here's the rub: It gives import and substance to people that never earned it and don't know how to use it. All they, and we, know is that I can be rich and famous for being me. And I deserve it.

We live in a culture now where a kid can bite his brother's finger, their parents can record it, and by sheer luck, that's a serviceable road to a six-figure income. More people on paper would probably recognize the "Charlie bit my finger" kid over Malala Yousafzai nine times out of ten, and she's a peace-mongering Nobel Prize winner who took a bullet in the face from the Taliban to stand up for her rights!

I believe that's really the main mindset of today's American: Where's mine? Why not me? How can I do less and get more? Why aren't I rich and famous and on every TV show and magazine cover? Because that's "success," right?

If I was in school now, I would probably drop out, move to a bigger city, become some kind of epic trouble-maker and be set for the rest of my life.  A college degree? Why would I waste my time getting that? So I can work for somebody else?

Better plan: Make millions off of having people watch videos of me playing video games. I'm not saying that wouldn't require work, but not the kind that's actually, y'know, work.  Heck, I'm writing this and hoping everybody reads it because it's me today.

I just wish there was a candidate that represented that. Someone who didn't have to work for their millions, it was just handed to them. Somebody that stays relevant by being a trouble-maker and loudmouth. Somebody who deems success as having their name writ large and in lights. Somebody that thinks the universe should rotate around them.

Oh....there he is!

He has faux outrage.

This is probably going to seem like some sort of paradox: Outrage about faux outrage. So I apologize.

However, at some point, we have to simmer down a bit and focus on real issues and how to really solve them.

Currently, there's an outrage movement about supposed feminist rights and gender equality because Jennifer Lawrence's character is getting choked by Oscar Isaac's character in the new billboards for "Xmen: Apocalypse." Apparently, this is appalling and is setting women back years and how dare Fox show two comic book characters in probably a very representative climactic scene from the newest overblown comic-book movie. Fox even apologized. Thank goodness!  I can almost hear a sigh of relief from the grave of Susan B. Anthony as everything she fought for has finally been redeemed by this new "take down those Xmen billboards!" movement.

Is the billboard in poor taste? Meh. Maybe. Is there anyone that actually drove by it and thought: "Wait! Poor Jennifer Lawrence's character! What about women's rights!?!" No. I'm pretty positive about that. And yet....

We need to relax. Real issues like gender equality and racism and abuse and a myriad of other issues get lost in the white noise of Facebook feeds and social media outrage and sensationalized news cycles and those issues still persist because the faux outrage over nonsensical non-arguments clouds the issues. It doesn't resolve them. It merely makes noise.

Chris Rock nailed it with his monologue. Are there a lack of quality roles for black actors in Hollywood? Sure. (Just don't tell that to Asian, Native American or Indian actors...). Does Jada Pinkett-Smith not attending the Oscars create such a strong statement that it creates the beginning of the end of racism in America? Not even close.

Yes, ending racism is a marathon - one that's gone on way too long, of course - not a sprint, and every little bit counts. But sometimes it's just too little and it fuzzes up the narrative.

Want to really make a statement? Take those millions you and your husband have earned and self-finance a Harriet Tubman biopic. I would take that way more seriously than you saying you're not going to attend an Awards telecast in which you weren't even nominated.

All of this is to say: Choose your battles. Don't just rage to rage. Don't yell just to yell. Don't hurt a cause by taking up arms to fight a cause on a microscopic level. I know this would leave our Facebook and Twitter feeds almost entirely devoid of content...but that wouldn't be the worse thing.

If only there were somebody that flies off the handle like this. Somebody that just shoots from the hip. Somebody that muddies the waters of an issue by making mountains out of molehills.  Somebody that can incense a crowd with verbiage that really means nothing and preys on emotions rather than logic.

Oh wait...Hello, Mr. Trump!

He is willfully ignorant.

There was a great article I read recently about America's "willful ignorance." The being okay with not knowing. Or knowing, but being okay with appearing like you don't know. That's where we live now. We literally don't have to know something anymore. Don't know something? Pull out your phone and Google it. Your retention rate will be nil, but at least in the moment you will know something then and there. Then quickly forget it. You just don't need to know.

At the risk of sounding like a "get off my lawn" geezer, there's a pretty well-known law that you should use your turn signal when either changing lanes or, y'know, turning. I could make up a statistic here, but let's just say "most" people don't do that. Ever. Sure, there's an amount of "I only care what I'm doing in my car and F you because turn signals are meant to inform everybody else but me of my intentions." Ok, there's a huge amount of that self-centeredness.  There's also a hint, though, of "I know the law. But I'm not going to follow it." Of course, there's no consequence for that because I'm fairly certain that pulling people over for not using their turn signals is very low on the list of the local law enforcements, er, law enforcement list.

Living with no consequence falls squarely under "willfully ignorant" as well.  You may have read the first part of this post (and if you're still reading, thank you!) and thought:  "Well, Joel just hates Millenials." First of all, that's not true. ''Hate" is such a strong word, and not quite the right one. Maybe fear? Secondly, living sans consequence covers that generation, and the one after it, and the one after that, all the way square into the older Gen-X'ers among us.

I have what I call the Videogame Theory. To wit:
Years ago, we would have a few quarters in our pocket and we would take them to the arcade and make them last as long as we could. When the quarters ran out, our trip was over and our afternoon took a different turn. So you struggled and lost money but still worked to become great at certain games. Using this method, we could stretch our quarters out over a few hours and have an entertaining, competitive afternoon.

Then home videogame systems became prevalent in almost every household and there were no more consequences. Having trouble on world 1-2 on "Super Mario Bros.?" No big deal, just tap "continue" and you could keep playing. You didn't have to get much better, just good or lucky enough to pass in the time being. You always had an out. A way to replay every bad action or decision. And a reason to not have to get significantly better. In other words, you could play a game ad infinitum with no consequences. You didn't have to know how to pass the trial, you only had to know how to click "continue" every time you failed.

We enter into deals or sign contracts or buy houses or take out loans or take action and, if the end result isn't pleasing, it's somebody else's fault. There is no consequence because, surely, though I did something wrong, I couldn't have really done something wrong. And where's my bailout?!? We don't take laws and rules and warnings seriously. We act and worry about the consequences later. When they eventually rear their ugly head, we cry out for the government or the company or friends and family to bail us out. If they don't, certainly we can further clog up the legal system with our petty grievance or money grab. Even though, for the most part, we knew there was a 50/50 chance whatever action we took would blow up in our face.

Parents are quick to sue school systems if their kid gets injured because somebody socked him.  Instead of the child learning from getting socked, certainly the school must be at fault for...not raising every kid right? That's not their job! And maybe your kid's a dick and deserved it.

The point is: We know stuff. However, we go half-cocked into situations ignoring most warnings and expect to come out on top. And if we don't, what's the easiest way out? That's a willful ignorance that hasn't been seen in this country in ages. Or maybe we just never knew it was that prevalent.

Yes, there are people that get legitimately screwed by our convoluted systems of health care and justice and unions and big business. Absolutely. We're not always, entirely at fault when the chips don't fall our way.

However, how can we discern the serious from the very serious from the insipid anymore when all cases and stories are treated with such import or sensationalization?

If only there was a candidate who went off half-cocked. Somebody who blamed everybody else. Somebody who neglected facts and flaunted ignorance in exchange for howling rhetoric.  Somebody who was wrong most of the time but wouldn't admit it. If only there was somebody like that we could follow, who embodied that spirit....

He is arrogant.

Aren't we all? Through the above 3 characteristics, there is one common thread: We're always right. There's no debate anymore. No logical discussion. We spout out our truths, post our rants and forward our videos, and, though there is a "reply" button, we'd much rather just have you click "like" and thumbs up.

We're always in the right, our opinions are truths, and don't you dare disagree with us because we can block you or delete your comments.

Our logic is just that: Supremely ours. As I read in one comments section recently: "I don't care about the facts, I'll still believe what I believe." So there you have it. Whether we're referring to science, statistics or standards, it's our way or buh-bye.

We need someone in office who represents our arrogance. Someone who says they are the "greatest" without proper facts and figures to back it up. Someone that has the balls to say everyone else is wrong, I am right, just wait and see.

I think we definitely found that someone.

It says a lot about this amazing nation that we call Home that we can be this torn apart, this fractured, this broken, and still function as the leading nation of the free world, where dreams ostensibly still come true and foreigners are willing to break laws to get a piece of that American Pie. We're only functioning at a fraction of our potential, and we're still on a pedestal. A shaky pedestal, but a pedestal nonetheless.

Maybe we've taken all of that for granted recently. If you travel extensively, you can feel that America, or the perception of it, is on ever shakier ground.

We may have finally found a candidate that can knock us off our pedestal. Perhaps, by his nomination, he already has.

Let's be honest: It's not what we need, but don't we kind of deserve it?
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Legacy (for Write Club)

6/6/2016

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I was recently asked (blessed?) to present a piece for Write Club at the Bootleg Theatre in Los Angeles.  Write Club is an "underground" writing competition where 2 writers, with disparate subjects, present on stage, and ONLY ONE SURVIVES!!  I was given the topic of "Legacy" and I was matched up against the very talented Steve Serpas and his topic of "Obscurity."
I won't tell you who one (though neither of us finished lower than 2nd place)

However, I don't think art, or anything close to resembling it, should exist in a vacuum.  So here now I give my piece one more glimpse of the light of day.
(And congratulations to Steve on the win.....Next time, Serpas!  Next time!!!)
Picture
LEGACY:

On the topic of Legacy, under the heading Mortality, sub-genre: I wish my heroes would stop fucking dying,

When you're given the topic of "Legacy" to write about, you better damn well aim to make that piece memorable. That's a lot of pressure, but it's right there in the name. We all strive to do just that - leave a legacy, or a piece written about legacy - that will stand the test of time, something so powerful that even the cockroaches that are the only survivors of the inevitable Donald Trumpian nuclear holocaust will click their antennae at each other as if to say: "Hey, remember that one shit...?" To me, cockroaches seem like they would cuss a lot.
Legacy carries burden. Expectations. Weight. It's not like writing about, say, obscurity. You could do something instantly forgettable or not note-worthy, and you will have 100% achieved your goal.
But legacy...We all want it. But, though you have a say in what kind of path you choose to pursue it, you can't control what your actual legacy is. It just...is. For better or worse, greatness or obscure, forgettable, forgotten or formidable.
No one's asking what Prince's legacy is. You just know that if you're in a band, you get up there, you cover "Purple Rain" and the audience better damn well join in. You don't contemplate what the legacy is. No one at one of those tribute shows was thinking: "You know, I really wish they would've done 'Sign o' the Times.'" You don't discuss legacy. It was just created and exists.
No one has said: "Well, you know Harper Lee's last novel was pretty weak and a bit of a bust sales-wise." No! She wrote one of the greatest American novels to ever be published.
There's a movement to get the Jack 'n' Coke renamed "The Lemmy." I know what's in a Jack 'n' Coke. I have no idea what all the lyrics are to "Ace of Spades."
You don't need to over-analyze legacy. It's already there.
And inevitably, because we're humans and flawed and nervous and imperfect and obsessed with Snapchat (this month), one gets to thinking about their legacy. Or, gasp, lack thereof....

I was going to write a piece about slowly but stoically succumbing to life's final curtain because I suffer from mesotheliomaI, but I don't. Truth is, when I call this life quits, I imagine it will be in a much more mundane fashion. "In his sleep" or "old age" or "I didn't even know he was still alive."
I don't foresee myself getting offed in some heroic fashion. I've faced down fight-or-flight situations and, despite my square-jaw and fairly solid physique, I chose "flight" every damn time. I don't think I'll have a long-suffering illness in which I'm able to parlay my Make-A-Wish into a Netflix-topping documentary or social media sensational blog. My life hasn't been a Bon Jovi song, so there's no way I go out in a "Blaze of Glory." Maybe a blaze on my futon after falling asleep with a lit American Spirit in my mouth.
But I'm not so much worried about my demise as I am about my legacy.
What did I do? What am I doing? Who doesn't ask this? Who doesn't love rhetorical questions?
Legacy is that thing you leave behind that lets everybody know: "Hey, this guy or girl was here and he or she contributed." It could be a statue - Best-case scenario. It could be a Memorial Highway or a public library or even a plaque on a rock in some national forest. Most folks in LA that I know aim for a star that rests just between David Hasselhoff and Fatty Arbuckle.

Most folks have their legacy secured because, like every monarchy before them, they have the offspring that will make sure their name is not forgotten.
This is a problem with me as my wife and I have decided not to have kids. I'm so against passing on my DNA, that I still wear a condom. And pull out. After 8 years of marriage.
Of course, this worries my Mom as she asks: "Well, who's doing to take care of you in your old age." Truthfully, the debaucherous and destructive way I'm living for those 18 years where everybody else is pursuing responsible adulthood and good parenting will pretty much guarantee I don't need to worry about living to "old age." That's why parents tend to live 18 years longer than non-breeders, made-up-statistically speaking.
No kids. No legacy. Maybe accomplishments would do it. I don't know. Tonight, this, this might be the peak of my accomplishments. I very well may have an of-the-moment legacy. That basically means that any remembrance of my passing will come down to, and here is a major knock on wood moment, me biting it after the show. It's true.
My lasting legacy might come down to two of you having a chat 6 months down the road to the effect of:
"Hey, remember that one guy that did that story at the Bootleg Theatre a few months ago? The legacy guy?"
"Yeah...Steve Serpas?"
"No, the other guy. He might've won. Or lost."
"Oh yeah....kind of."
"Well, turns out not 20 minutes after the show, he rolled his Ford Fiesta over near the Urban Light installment at LACMA. Took his head right off."
Which, by the way, is way more impressive on 2 fronts:
  1. If you know anything about cars, it's virtually impossible to roll a Ford Fiesta because you have to be able to go over 60 miles per hour to do it and,
  2. My Fiesta has a spoiler, so it's supposed to hug the road. If it needs to.
But that would be an of-the-moment legacy: "That guy who did that one thing." It might result in a candlelight vigil. Maybe a mention in the LA Times for all 48 of it's readers.
I know my wife would mourn quite a bit. I would hope. Some close friends will probably have a drink in my honor (but not re-name one in my honor, sadly). My brother, Mom, family members I could count on one hand would bring a covered dish to my wake.
I would at least expect a fairly good-sized percentage of my Facebook friends to at least post an off-the-cuff obituary on my Facebook wall, and I would hope that I would be able to access and read it in the afterlife...although I would be logging in from a different computer and I'll be damned if I can remember my Facebook password!

A legacy is something you really can't control. It's the last true democracy, the people decide. It's like setting out to make a viral video. You can't control where and when it's seen or remembered, but if you get 45 likes then you should just feel damn grateful that you were able to crack through the white noise and make a contribution.

Legacy is fickle. I'm thinking of 2 men - both drugged women to have sex with them. One of them, insisting on his innocence, has shattered the hyperbolic image of being "America's Dad." The other, who admits his guilt, with an underage partner no less, received a standing ovation for winning an Oscar for Best Director in a still-flourishing film career.
Legacy is in the eye of the beholder.

Because when it's Ashes to Ashes, as Young Americans, Absolute Beginners fade into their Golden Years - which could take Five Years, could be Rock 'n' Roll Suicide or we could last until there's Life on Mars, the bottom line is: We all want to be Heroes. But maybe that's aiming too high. Maybe we worry too much, we're Under Pressure, we're stressing Ch-Ch-Changes, asking Where Are We Now? Oh, You Pretty Things...I Can't Give Everything Away, but As The World Falls Down Let's Dance. Let's see where Modern Love takes us. The Sound & the Vision of Dancing in the Street is more realistic than being a Starman living a Moonage Daydream. It won't really matter since one day we're all going to be owned by China, Girl.

Legacy just happens. You maybe don't know it during, but as any Bowie fan would agree, after hearing that last paragraph, it was kind of thrilling hearing all of the song titles that brought back a wave of nostalgia. Not everybody caught every one. Not everyone is going to.

Legacy is different things to different people.

So no pressure on you guys: This might be the pinnacle of my life, the peak of my existence, my crowning achievement, the legacy Cool Whip on top of the Neapolitan life that I have led. I only controlled jotting some stuff down on paper, getting here safely, and submitting my life's work, art and passion to being judged by drinking strangers. The rest, like much of most in life, is up to the viewing audience. You determine mine, and everybody else's, legacy. Worst-case scenario: I finish top 6.

All you can do is try your best while you're here, and let everyone else sort it out when you're not.
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